Thursday, November 09, 2006

Wordsworth(less)

Its that time of the semester again! (No I don't mean
"blog-update" time. I'm trying not to make it a yearly
ritual but kya karein..read on and you'll know why I'm so
busy) It the model exams. Now before you call them a
waste of time, let me tell you that our college has been
pretty empathetic with us students. The exams have been
timed from 1 to 4 pm ! Our college definitely understands
our need to sleep well before writing exams, so that we
write them with a relaxed mind. And what does a relaxed
mind write in the answer sheet? Well, thats what this post
is all about !

I draw a lot of flak from my peers for writing beyond the
third page. What these poor nitwits don't seem to
understand is that I write for the sheer pleasure of
writing. Not that I am Paulo Coehlo or anything, but when I
put pen on paper, like they say "the words flow out" ! And is
the stuff I write relevant to the subject ? I'll leave you to
answer that, considering I've written so much into this post
and am not even through with the introduction yet :D. By
now you probably know what to expect when I write.

Today's paper was a trip down the memory lane : Principles
of Environmental Science and Engineering. Yes, this is
another of the university's sadistic moves to remind us that
we are on the wrong side of 20 and were better off ten
years earlier reading about what happens to the food after
it exits our system. I was pretty pleased with the stuff I
wrote, so instead ofsubmitting my paper, I brought it home.
I'm posting some excerpts. Due to the
"kid-with-a-halo-around-his-head" reputation that I suffer
from in college, I had to enforce a degree of censorship. But
the internet's a fools paradise. So here goes !!


Q: List the physical properties of soil (huh)

A: 1.Soil is dark in color
2.It feels like mud
3.It tastes awful
4.It contains moisture
5.It also contains dead and decaying plant and animal
remains, and sometimes even people buried alive.
6.It is found in train toilet seats, hence the saying "do not soil the toilet seat"

(the above answer is a tribute to all dumb Americans, sorry
all Americans...and Bush)


Q: What is the 3R principle?

(this one I know!!)

A: The 3R* principle mainly applies to plastics and is as
follows:

1.Reduce
2.Reuse
3.Recycle

* Not applicable for condoms


Q: State article 51-A(g) of the Indian constitution

(they give Bush stiff competition, don't they?)

A: (My intelligence curbed my urge to write "Article
51-A(g) of the Indian constitution" as the answer to this
one)

"All men are born equal, and enjoy equally the right to
freedom, liberty and pursuit of happiness, women and
trouble. However if any sonofab***h tries to mess with
momma nature, she's gonna stick an antarctic iceberg
up your a** and freeze it mighty stiff "


Q: What is precautionary principal??

I didn't answer this one..I mean I didn't want to lose
internal marks writing about our principal despite the
temptation. But now I realise I might as well have written,
for I've brought the answer sheet home !

Q: Explain "clean technology" and "end of pipe approach".

A:(this one's muh favorite)

Clean Technology is technology that poses no threat to
the environment. For example: A bird's nest.
As is obvious this field has no scope to offer for humans
the reasons for which are elucidated in the next answer.

The "end of pipe" approach is an indecisive approach. Its
success largely depends on which side of the pipe you are
on, and what the pipe is made of. Success here would be a
vintage English pipe with expensive tobacco. Failure would be
facing the wrong end of a sewage drain pipe ! As we can
see this method has its pros and cons.

Q: Write about management of municipal sewage.

(I didn't want to answer this one, but like I already
said...)

A: Sewage as we know it is all waste matter mixed in water
to form a slushy substance. However I feel there is more
to this term than just organic waste. There is an emotional
plane to this concept as well. It deals with thought
processes.

The human mind is as corrupt and full of excess as is a
sewage tank. only, it appears pristine at the outside. This
in itself is one of its devious illusions, that stands testimony
to its treacherous nature. For how else can we explain
greed, lust,hatred, racist vendetta, lobbying, red-tapism
and other heinous acts of mankind. And how else can we
explain the biggest illusion of deception devised by the
human mind, that drives other minds to insanity- the illusion
that is "love" !

Ask they ask me to write about what the municipality does
about managing sewage ! Can't you understand ? The
municipality is filled with minds that are far worse and
emanate fouler stench than any sewer in the world ! Don't
you realise that the municipality, the administration heck,
the whole of mankind IS the sewage we are talking,
err..not talking about ?!

Now don't ask me if I'm not one among these corrupt
minds. I agree I am, and have no qualms admitting that you
are too ! I am writing this for the sake of sixteen
worthless marks, but don't give a damn even if I'm
deprived of 'em. What really seems to matter is that even
as we are wasting our precious time and contaminated
thoughts poring over how to make each others' lives
miserable, another chunk of melting ice has just fallen into
the antarctic ocean, another child is dying of hunger in
Cambodia, another helpless Muslim woman is being harassed
by the man she's supposed to call "husband", another futile
war strategy is being planned against Iraq, another college
student is contemplating suicide...Man the environment sure
is colorful !

(that question was for 16 marks so please understand...)


Pretty long post eh? I guess that makes up for the delay it
took coming to this blog :) If you thought my answers were
funny, I strongly recommend the PEVS book by Charulatha
publications. If you thought otherwise, I still recommend
that book (get a life !)