Facebook is a nice way of saying "hello" to a celebrity you've always been a fan of and wished could tell how much you admire them. It's also a nice way of catching up with that friend you never spoke to in school but whose profile you came across through a mutual friend and eight years seem to have done to her dp what those Fair n Lovely ads claim their product can do in 20 days. Of course minus the girl's dumbass father in those ads, who weeps at the beauty pageant awards, unable to express his joy at his girl's ascension to bimbo-hood.
And above all, Facebook's a nice way of making the world notice you're there! An attention whore's paradise!
Status updates are cool. I mean, imagine how cool it is to be telling the world you finally went to the loo after six days of constipation! And when you know the flunkey brigade's on the prowl, you can always use one of the following template and assure yourself of at least ten "like"s and five comments!
If you aren't really the kind that appreciates music (screw you btw), then you could use this template
If you aren't into books and movies either (read kill yourself with a toothpick), and want to but don't know what to update your status with, there's always "Facebook chat sucks!"
You don't realize it sucks because there's no one online to chat with you, do you??
And then there's the constant whiner who always has a problem with the world. The kind of smartass who doesn't wear a helmet because he has a dandruff problem but knows exactly what the prime minister should be doing instead of what he's doing right now, how Kamal Hassan should've acted in Anbe Sivam, how females should dress to "uphold" our tradition and culture, what kind of "good" movies one should be watching instead of culture-spoiling "western" stuff (makes a reference to some Kubrick or Tarantino flick that he hasn't seen but "knows" spoils our culture) and so on.
Our friend also has a habit of repeatedly stating the obvious, such as "I am what I am". Any attempts at logical conversation or argument will be thwarted with another status update mocking your lack of "good" taste/maturity followed by snide remarks from the flunkey brigade taking cowardly indirect jibes at your incompetence in living up to their expectations and tastes.
And now comes the question you've probably wanted to ask all this while: You are on fB too, then why the sarcasm and btw South Park beat you by miles?
The answer to that my friend -and if you aren't on my friend's list send me a request, my ego won't let me do vice versa- is that it's just like real life, where we put up with some people just because they're alive :) Live and let live, and if you miss out, catch the highlights on youtube!
This post will make it to my Facebook notes, and I will tag people too! To make them read it, comment and "like" it(or join the "Facebook should have a dislike button" community)! Because at the end of the day, we all update our Facebook statuses, so why shouldn't I? Ok, sometimes I even do it at the beginning of the day, especially when all I have is Elvis and Louis Armstrong for company during the bus journey to office. Heck I even update my status at noon, and in the middle of the night! Coz we're all addicted baby!
Enjoy your stay at fB :) Happy status-updating, catching up with friends, dissing, like-ing, sucking up, profile stalking or whatever it is that you're on fB for :)
PS: I know South Park beat me by miles and South Park \m/!
PPS: Yeah I know the title sucks; go ahead, put that as your status update
PPPS: If you didn't get the "Live and let live" vs "Highlights on youtube" joke, join the "I don't get Vijaynarain's stupid jokes" community on fB