Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Face with no Value (because she hadn't uploaded her dp yet) and the Book with no Pages (coz the internet connection was down)

These days Facebook is abuzz with activity. Everyone, including yours truly wants to go one up on the other with their wacky, humorous, attention grabbing status updates. Of great importance in this virtual diss-pit is the flunkey brigade that goes about "like"ing every celebrity status update and "yes of course"ing and "Totally agree"ing with every celeb, pseudo celeb, socialite, anti-socialite, that-chick-with-the-hot-profile-pic (which turns out to be that of some less known bollywood bimbette like Anjana Suck-on-ye or Geeta Basra) or just about anyone who seems to grab enough attention.
Facebook is a nice way of saying "hello" to a celebrity you've always been a fan of and wished could tell how much you admire them. It's also a nice way of catching up with that friend you never spoke to in school but whose profile you came across through a mutual friend and eight years seem to have done to her dp what those Fair n Lovely ads claim their product can do in 20 days. Of course minus the girl's dumbass father in those ads, who weeps at the beauty pageant awards, unable to express his joy at his girl's ascension to bimbo-hood.
And above all, Facebook's a nice way of making the world notice you're there! An attention whore's paradise!
Status updates are cool. I mean, imagine how cool it is to be telling the world you finally went to the loo after six days of constipation! And when you know the flunkey brigade's on the prowl, you can always use one of the following template and assure yourself of at least ten "like"s and five comments!
Listening to . What a !! to the . {Choose either or all of the following comma separated emoticons: :))), :((, :D, :*( } !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you aren't really the kind that appreciates music (screw you btw), then you could use this template
Just by . it!
If you aren't into books and movies either (read kill yourself with a toothpick), and want to but don't know what to update your status with, there's always "Facebook chat sucks!"
You don't realize it sucks because there's no one online to chat with you, do you??
And then there's the constant whiner who always has a problem with the world. The kind of smartass who doesn't wear a helmet because he has a dandruff problem but knows exactly what the prime minister should be doing instead of what he's doing right now, how Kamal Hassan should've acted in Anbe Sivam, how females should dress to "uphold" our tradition and culture, what kind of "good" movies one should be watching instead of culture-spoiling "western" stuff (makes a reference to some Kubrick or Tarantino flick that he hasn't seen but "knows" spoils our culture) and so on.
Our friend also has a habit of repeatedly stating the obvious, such as "I am what I am". Any attempts at logical conversation or argument will be thwarted with another status update mocking your lack of "good" taste/maturity followed by snide remarks from the flunkey brigade taking cowardly indirect jibes at your incompetence in living up to their expectations and tastes.
And now comes the question you've probably wanted to ask all this while: You are on fB too, then why the sarcasm and btw South Park beat you by miles?
The answer to that my friend -and if you aren't on my friend's list send me a request, my ego won't let me do vice versa- is that it's just like real life, where we put up with some people just because they're alive :) Live and let live, and if you miss out, catch the highlights on youtube!
This post will make it to my Facebook notes, and I will tag people too! To make them read it, comment and "like" it(or join the "Facebook should have a dislike button" community)! Because at the end of the day, we all update our Facebook statuses, so why shouldn't I? Ok, sometimes I even do it at the beginning of the day, especially when all I have is Elvis and Louis Armstrong for company during the bus journey to office. Heck I even update my status at noon, and in the middle of the night! Coz we're all addicted baby!
Enjoy your stay at fB :) Happy status-updating, catching up with friends, dissing, like-ing, sucking up, profile stalking or whatever it is that you're on fB for :)
PS: I know South Park beat me by miles and South Park \m/!
PPS: Yeah I know the title sucks; go ahead, put that as your status update
PPPS: If you didn't get the "Live and let live" vs "Highlights on youtube" joke, join the "I don't get Vijaynarain's stupid jokes" community on fB

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Movie Review- Payya (there's no re-viewing this one :P)

Payya raises a lot of questions. But no I'm not going to post all of them here, frankly because, though I remember having a lot of questions when I saw the movie, I just can't waste time to recollect all of them just for this blog's sake.

First: Why did they title the movie Payya? The closest I can come to guessing is someone who calls the shots wondered aloud "well, there's nothing in this movie that's worth giving it a title, what do we call it?" to which some guy who had probably invested a lot of money in the movie swore in tamil. And somehow the universe conspired and everybody suddenly agreed upon a censored version of the second guy's retort :P On second thoughts, I seem to be investing more time than the producers did in guessing the reason behind the title!

Question number two: Why does the hero not eliminate the main villain/vamp (the female who keeps calling the henchmen on their mobiles and gives them instructions in Telugu) ? Not that anyone's complaining after the 3 hour ordeal! Oops did I just spoil the movie for you?? Trust me, I saved your life.

Question number three/observation number one: Given the utter disregard to chronology, why does Milind Soman wear the same shirt throughout his life (in the movie)?/ Milind Soman needs a bath.

Ok enough questions let's look at what the movie has to offer: Boy stops job hunt after he begins girl hunt, takes friend's car and coincidence makes her take a lift in his car. Girl has a bunch of daddy's henchmen chasing her, guy has a bunch of Milind Soman's henchmen chasing him, #1 girl and guy move, henchmen chase, get beaten, songs follow, chase continues, henchmen get beaten, repeat from #1 till you're completely braindead.

So you ask me, can't you at least watch the movie for Tamannah's sake? I'd rather settle for watching her in the power soap ads (even though my chances of suffering an aneurysm hearing that jingle would multiply).

Payya is one of the best road movies to have ever been made. Makes you want to hit the road the moment you watch it!
Better editing would've been the key to this movie's success. I mean, seriously, the film could do away with two hours and still lose absolutely no entertainment value! Heck it had none to begin with!
Go watch Payya only if your most favourite movies list begins with sakkarakatti, and ends with Prem Agan :P