Wednesday, November 17, 2010

If you don't find this post awesome...

I am suffering from a writer's block. Hence I haven't really been able to come up with any of my awesomatic self praising attention whoring posts of late. The very fact that I've realized this and set out

to write THIS post should give you an idea of how awesome I am. Heck, robots go crazy after me and call their creator "Yeah You-suck Asimov".

The trouble with being a writer is that there is always an itch to write, no matter how much or how less you have written. The trouble is not the itch itself, because itches are never really trouble if you've noticed. I mean compare an itch with a headache or a running nose, or if you're female, with a bad hair day, and you'll know what I mean. All you need to do about an itch is scratch. Like the adage (add age to any piece of crap someone said and it becomes an adage) goes, Scratch the itch, screw the .

Coming right back to where I left (you'll notice I'm really good at directions, so add that to your list of "Reasons why Vijay is awesomatic, hereafter referred to as Awesometer"), the trouble is not the itch itself, but the fact that this particular writing itch is hard to scratch. Remember the first time you learnt to write A,B,C,D on a slate in kindergarden? All you did was scratch the "balpam" on the slate and you got whacked by the teacher because your A wasn't straight. If she'd taught you G and Y too, she would've realized not everything is straight and maybe spared you the cane and "A"ble

(A+syllabyle= "A"ble, invented here for the sole purpose of showing the world I know about the Jeffery Archer novel though I have't read it. Awesometer++). I bet DJ's had it much easier in school than we IT blokes did. All they needed to do was learn CD and they could scratch all they want!

So, in my case, the only way to scratch my itch to write, is by actually writing. I'm sure YOU, reading this post right now think it sucks (though you might not want to tell me because you think, rather, KNOW I'm awesome). I'll save you the trouble. Of course this post sucks! It sucks the readers' attention completely and stirs in them a deep sense of introspection, encouraging them to question the very tenets of the whatever-isms they grew up believing in and tempts them to break free from the shackles of mundane existence. If this post hasn't done that to you yet, go to the post office and try your luck there. If however, you do not have time to go to the post office, let me let you in on a dark secret. It is very important to know the value of time. After sunset, the value of time is exactly 18 (hence the DARKkness of the secret I just revealed). This was computed by the same machine that came up with 42. I'm sure if I don't mention it right now, there'll be some smartass asking a "bright" question on the lines of "What is the value of time after sunrise?" Go figure it out yourself! I only promised to let you in on a dark secret, not a bright one!

Ok so this post is long enough to publish, and the awesometer arrow just broke out of it and shot into the sky. Google tells me it's orbiting the earth just behind the hubble space telescope. As much as you want me to continue, I am going to have to conclude this post. So let me conclude by actually completing the title, which if you've noticed is incomplete. If you don't find this post awesome, don't read it.


  1. Wow I still have readership! :P Thanks Mathangi :)

  2. :D It is awesomest!!! Especially the cane and A-ble part!!